Columbia City Paper

  Dear Mexican: I know you�ve been asked variations of this before, but I�m going to ask you again anyway. I�m a gay white guy, and I�ve had three relationships with Mexican men in the past seven years. Each lasted from three to six months. This past relationship actually lasted a year and culminated with us moving in together for a month before it ended badly. Mexican: I�ve never been treated worse than by the Mexicans I�ve dated�and yet I�ve also never been happier.

When it�s just the two of us, everything is great. But when I�m involved in anything to do with his family, I suddenly don�t exist. Or when we�re out in public, he might cast me aside slightly, and others are surprised to find the two of us are dating. �He�s your boyfriend?!� folks exclaim. �He totally ignored you!� Then I answer, �Oh, that! Yeah, it�s just a little game we play. Ha.�
My family and friends have never failed to embrace with open arms anyone I�ve dated. But my Mexican boyfriends never seem to know what to do with me. Could they be ashamed of me or themselves? Maybe they have some internalized homophobia going on? Maybe I�m a threat to their family�s structure? This hasn�t resulted in any prejudice on my side. I love and relish Mexican culture and wish my Spanish were better. The thing is, I had a Mexican guy ask me out recently, and I�m wary. Should I run off and find a nice, blond, white guy with Pottery Barn décor? (Ick!) Maybe the candy I�m most attracted to is not good for me? Have I just given myself my own best advice? Should I stick to being friends with Mexicans and leave the dating of them to my sister?
Becoming Wary of the Brown Man

Dear Gaybacho: It�s not the mexicanidad in the mariposas you went out with that caused them to treat you badly; it was them. Sure, homophobia remains one of the pathologies Mexicans must work through (more on that in a bit), but I know many queer Mexican men who treat their partners with love and care and don�t hide their relationships from friends and family. The more serious issue es usted: You say, �I�ve never been treated worse than by the Mexicans I�ve dated�and yet I�ve also never been happier.� ¿Qué que? (English translation: WTF???) Don�t enter abusive relationships, Becoming Wary: The only person to blame for them es tú.
Now, back to Mexican homophobia. Gentle readers: Most of you know Mexicans who live in California. Please, por favor, please tell them to vote no on Proposition 8, a resolution on California�s ballot that seeks to ban gay marriage. Latinos will finally assert their demographic influence in Golden State elections this year, and it would be a horrible legacy if the first action of the Reconquista is to deny a minority their civil rights�currently, polls show Latinos supporting the initiative. The Mexican only endorses candidates named Alfred E. Neuman, but he does support gente fighting any kind of Know Nothings. Again: Vote no on Prop. 8�and if you know any homo-hating Mexicans in Califas, tell them to stop acting like sexual Lou Dobbses. 

Maybe you�ve covered this before, but I�ll ask anyway: Just what is it about the combination of clam juice and tomato juice that apparently drives Mexicans and other Latinos wild? I never see Mott�s Clamato Juice ads in gringo neighborhoods, but huge Clamato billboards are taking up space in the Latino neighborhoods I�ve visited in San Diego, Los Angeles and elsewhere. Clamato ads are also in many Latino publications. What�s with the Clamato craze and Mott�s desire to keep the Mexican masses drunk on Clamato?

Clammed Up

Dear Gabacho: We just have more refined tastebuds than gabachos. Only a true gourmand can appreciate a tall, frosty glass of Clamato�the sweet bitterness of tomato juice, that briny dash of clam broth, an elixir to start the day on the right pie. Add in the facts that Clamato originated in California and that Mott�s now exclusively devotes its advertising dollars to the Latino market, and there�s little mystery why Mexicans love the drink. There�s also the whole cosa that many Mexicans think Clamato is an aphrodisiac because of its miniscule clam content�a former marketer for Mott�s told the Wall Street Journal that Clamato�s purported sexiness was �engraved in the product� and �the first thing that comes out of� their focus group�s minds�but I�ll give my people the benefit of the doubt and think of them as being smarter than to believe that sipping tomato-and-clam juice will make their pitos harder and panochas tighter. Then again, Mexicans largely fueled the box-office smash Beverly Hills Chihuahua, so if any group can obsessively, stupidly guzzle whatever the marketing gurus want to sell them, it�s Mexicans. (Or gabachos, who decided they loved lattes after Estarbucks told them so.)

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net 

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