Columbia's only locally owned alt weekly

How can I avoid joining al-Qaeda by mistake? 

Don’t be discouraged by the nation’s ballooning unemployment figures.
There are plenty of great jobs out there. You just need to start being
creative about where you look, and open-minded about what kind of jobs
you’re willing to take.

For example, if you’re a physically-fit black man who enjoys acting in
non-sexual wrestling videos, you can earn a quick $125 simply by
visiting Craigslist and answering the ad titled “Black Muscular Males
For Nonsexual Wresting Videos.”

Unemployed sugarbabies in the Southeast United States take note:
Craigslist also features a help wanted ad posted by a self-described
Miami “sugardaddy” who travels Florida and Georgia for work.

At the moment, he’s looking for an Atlanta sugarbaby with whom he can
enjoy dancing, golf, fishing, and jai alai. “Pay is cash for time spent
together. Obviously the more time we see each other, the more pay.”
Obviously.

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„Spring N2 Art” at the Keenan House is a perfect opportunity to spend a
Saturday completely surrounded by many forms of art.  This exhibition
not only provides a unique promotional and public relations opportunity
for working artists and art organizations, but also allows art lover
the chance to chat with the artists while listening to live music. This
group exhibition features Artists Round Table (ART) members, namely JJ
Casey, Sam Compton, Becky Age, Sandra Carr, Ellin Baskin, Carl
Craighead, Benira Sutphin, Sue Shrader, Melissa Crook, Richard Glover,
Tam Hicks, Pat Stone, Brenda Schwarz Miller together with Columbia
College Art Students.

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Two new books look at race in South Carolina

“As a general thing, the Southerner is burdened by his unhappy past; he
doesn’t understand it and he finds it hard to accept. The white
Southerner is further confused by the myth of a splendid past, a myth
woven during the dark decades from 1865 to 1900….According to this
myth, the South was once a complete, perhaps a perfect creation, envied
by the North and out of envy attacked, defeated and crippled. The
trouble with this picture is that it is not so.”
                                                                                                            
– James McBride Dabbs

    In the South, nothing is as revered or as misunderstood as history,
and perhaps nowhere is that more true than in South Carolina. And no
part of our history is as distorted and concealed as the subject of
race.

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While Americans have been distracted in recent weeks by a worsening
economic downturn, Michelle Obama’s toned arms, and ‘Bachelor’ Jason
Mesnick’s apparent inability to choose between identical, fame-hungry,
tanorexic airheads, Iran has been going about its business like its a
separate country or something.

On February 4, Iran launched a satellite into orbit for the first time.

The satellite is called the Omid (pronounced oh-MEED). It means hope —
as in, “I really hope the U.S. doesn’t bomb us just because we launched
a satellite.”

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From The Make Me a F#!king Columnist Guy

Back in the U.S.S.A

Columbia City Paper is dead! Take a look around. Ted Rall rails against
Obama. The publishers are now calling themselves “moderate.” And that
black chick on the You Tube vid still hasn’t gotten her car full of gas
or her mortgage paid. Wow! I kind of feel justified in filling in that
circle for McCain. (I thought hard for about three seconds before
realizing, “Wait a second… I’m not a socialist!”) You got what you
wanted, Obama voters. This man has single handedly saddled us (and our
kids, and their kids, and their kids) with a trillion dollar debt that
will eventually lead us down the road to becoming exactly what our
father’s fathers feared: socialists.
Here’s the series of events: Obama bails out everybody through this
insane stimulus bill. Because the banks will not be able to pay back
the cash –or because of the enormity of the problem—the government will
assume control of the banks and nationalize our entire economy. Then,
with control of the money, employment comes next. Businesses will no
longer come to banks for loans. The Federal Bank will be the only
lending institution (there goes my idea of starting a store that sells
condoms made out of sandpaper). So, with the government controlling all
banking, all cash is completely accounted for per the government.

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I met this girl on an �adult� website. We exchanged a few e-mails, then
we chatted over IM twice, just the basic small talk, before exchanging
numbers. It was on the phone that she told me about her rape fantasy:
She has always fantasized about being kidnapped by a stranger from a
public place, held in a dark room over the weekend, and forced to do
whatever her captor wants.
That sounds hot, but I wouldn�t do it without at least meeting first.
Safety first. So the idea now is to meet at a bar, have a drink, and
then go back to my place and enact a date-rape scene. Not quite her
ultimate fantasy, but it just so happens to be one of my all-time
fantasies. We�re both turned on by the idea that we will be
near-strangers.
Now here comes the problem: What if she is some wacko who will call the
cops on me/blackmail me and say it was actual rape? Can I protect
myself from this somehow? We never talked about it over IM, just on the
phone. This is one of the boxes I would like to check before I die, but
I want to be safe about it. Help!

To Rape Or Not To Rape

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Don’t Panic!  You war  questions answered:

Over the years, I have developed several poorly-reasoned theories to help me understand the world.

It’s
a habit I probably picked up from my dad, who 20 years ago, suggested
to me the Nation of Islam movement, led by Louis Farrakhan, exists so
people with bad credit could change their last names to “Muhammad” or
“X” and more easily get car loans. At the time he expressed the idea,
dad was having a rough week at work. He managed loans for a car
dealership.

I
tend not to discuss my pet theories outside the house because, like my
dad, I worry people might think I actually believe them.

Nevertheless, in attempting to
answer the question above, I can’t help but recall one of my first
world-explaining theories: the nicer an immigrant is, the shittier his
or her country of origin is.

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